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I ONLY EAT FILET MIGNON (SIMPLY THE BEST!)

I was born and lived most of my teenage years in the great and fabulous state of Texas. Although notable for many things-one being America’s greatest football team, the Dallas Cowboys (which I am an eternal fan), one of our greatest staples is our Texas beef. As you know, there are many varieties of beef. You have the T-bone, the prime rib, the Porterhouse, and, of course, the filet mignon. There is nothing like a plump, juicy cut of steak, smothered with onions, mushrooms, and gravy, complimented with a fully-loaded baked potato with sour cream, cheddar and chives, and a tossed salad with ranch or blue cheese dressing. Ladies, do you remember a time when you ordered a steak, but when you took a bite; it was “tough”? There is nothing worse than “tough steak”!

Some of us have eaten some “tough steak” in our lives. These experiences were extremely hard to digest and gave many of us “heartburn”. The dragon of low-esteem launched a plan of attack against us, while we were children, causing mental “rape” (to seize and force your mind into a state of worthlessness), through situations beyond your control. You were violated, victimized, abused, misused, degraded, broken, defiled, and infringed upon, by people whom you trusted. Some of you were violated by “mentally deranged” family members, who crossed the line and broke the family covenant. Some of you were affected by poor relationship choices of a “loved one” (a “sexually sick” boyfriend or stepfather). Some of you were products of your environments (underprivileged, drug ridden, and “gang banging” neighborhoods), and were manipulated and forced to make undesirable choices, for survival sake. Others have dealt with brutal domestic violence! Several are still carrying the residues of rejection by a parent or loved one! Many are still mourning the death of a loved one (a husband, a parent, a sibling, or a child)! A few are still shook up from childhood “growing pains”! Countless have been mistreated or ridiculed because of physical appearance (obesity, anorexia, inappropriate labels of unattractiveness)! A portion has experienced marital infidelity and divorce!   “Whatever the case, it has been “tough steak; which inadvertently has caused some deeply embedded scars and wounds that formed thick, callous layers of mistrust. You have erected walls of defense that are very difficult to penetrate.

Due to these challenges, many have been robbed of their childhood innocence, forcing them to grow up at an accelerated rate. Some have even been robbed of one of the most precious gifts that a woman exclusively possesses – her virginity, which caused some women to “detest” men; producing an overwhelming influx of lesbianism! Simply stated, some have been robbed of their joy. The purpose of the attack was to place your mind in a “gutter state” to prevent you from knowing, achieving, or receiving life’s prosperity (which I define as simply—the best). Unfortunately, I do not have any easy solutions to these difficult and heart-wrenching problems. However, I can say this…if you will take the steps to find a place of solace and healing, you will discover that filet mignon is available to you!

Why fillet mignon? The fillet is considered to be the most tender cut of beef, and one of the most expensive.”[i] One of the characteristics of filet mignon is that “the muscle is non-weight bearing ….” [ii]   I am reminded of Hebrews 12:1b that requests, “….. let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us (NIV). The word “beset” in this scripture is defined as “to attack from all sides; to trouble persistently; harass; to hem in”. [iii] How many of you can relate to feeling hemmed in or enduring multiple and simultaneous attacks? That is why it is so important to purge or leave the baggage on the curb. The automobile manufacturer, Chevrolet, has a commercial showing the singer, Mary J. Blige, driving around with a carload of “Marys” from different stages of her life, as displayed on her various albums. During the commercial, she pulls over, takes the baggage from the rear, and leaves them on the curb. The announcer makes a profound statement at the end of the commercial; he states, “The space to take everything with you / The wisdom to leave the baggage behind.”   This statement is in correlation with one of my favorite songs, “The Gambler”, by Kenny Rogers. The lyrics say, “You have to know when to hold them; know when to fold them.”   Ladies, I cannot stress this enough, there are some people, situations, and things that you must have the wisdom to simply let go--rid yourself of the weight! A marathon runner’s pace is impeded when she runs with weights. An airplane has more difficulty soaring to a higher altitude when it is overloaded with baggage.

“Laying aside the weight” opens the door to forgiving! Forgiving others is the best method to alleviate weights. So many of us are still carrying around yesterday’s troubles! Not only are we carrying yesterday’s troubles, —we are carrying last week’s, last month’s, last year’s, and some years past. Sisters, you have to “lay aside the weight” by any means necessary (counseling, therapy, support groups, praying, etc.). “Laying aside the weight” will help you to treat others with kindness, even when kindness is not being returned unto you! “Laying aside the weight” will assist you in releasing the grudge that you have been carrying against that person that violated you!   “Laying aside the weight” will change your thought pattern to digest “the good” and regurgitate “the bad”! “Laying aside the weight” allows you to eat filet mignon – the best and the most expensive commodities life has to offer you.    You will be free to live freely! You will be free to breathe freely! You will be free to give freely! You will be free to eat filet mignon freely.

The next time you visit your favorite steak restaurant, instruct the waitress to bring you a fat, juicy, mouth-watering, tender cut of filet mignon! Then, sit down with your napkin around your neck, and eat up, because, you are simply the best! Another of my favorite singers, the ageless Tina Turner, re-made a song a few years ago that said, “You're simply the best, better than all the rest! Better than anyone, anyone I've ever met!” Tell yourself, I am simply the best, and yes, I deserve filet mignon! I encourage you to live your best life because even greater things are enstore for you! Tell your neighbor, “I only eat filet mignon!” Digest it….make the most of the journey!

[i] http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Filet_mignon, Definition of filet mignon

[ii] http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Filet_mignon, Definition of filet mignon

[iii] http://www.answers.com/topic/beset, Definition of beset

SOLITARY CONFINEMENT
(Married Yet Alone!)

  Silence creates a “mudslide” that puts a crack in the rock solid structure of your marriage; it puts “asunder”! Vickie L. Evans Marriage – members of the opposite sex, merging together with singleness of purpose – harmoniously sharing the same namesake and dwelling place. Marriage -- a place of conception where dynasties and empires are born, producing little descendants to carry on the family legacy for generations to come. Marriage--a corporate merger – the intermingling of ideas, goals, dreams, and resources; the formulation of intellectual proprietorship! Marriage--the sharing of intimacy; the fulfillment of sexual ecstasy and pleasure; the consummate rhythm of two bodies creating a melodious symphony of love! The Bible even describes it as “two flesh, becoming one”, “bone of my bone”, and “flesh of my flesh”.   If marriage signifies a bond of unity and intimacy, how is it possible for married couples to live under the same roof and yet be so far apart? How is it possible for married couples to sleep in separate bedrooms, denying the sexual intimacy that makes love burst with excitement? How is it possible for two people who confessed their undying love before God and loved ones to walk around for days on end after a heated argument without speaking to one another? What causes a love that once sizzled, dazzled, and created a spark of “fire and desire” to fizzle in a heap of cold ashes? What happens when the only communication between husband and wife is the closing of doors as they exit for their various workplaces in the morning, and as they return to retreat into their separate sleeping quarters in the evening? What happens when marriage becomes a matter of convenience based on salary assessments and material investments? What transpires when parents stay together for the sake of the children but forget the intimacy once shared to create the children?

How did the joyful expression of love and marital bliss become encased in a wall of stone cold silence? What occurs when marriage seems more like a prison sentence carried out in the solitary confinement of a dark, isolated, and cemented penitentiary cell? Can anyone relate? I spent many hours trying to figure this out as I gripped my tear-soaked pillow in the middle of the night as my then husband slept in the basement of our house. I agonized over what I could have done differently to make his heart turn back to me. Right now I hear an Earth, Wind, and Fire song   “After The Love Is Gone” ringing in my ear. After The Love Is Gone! What used to be right is wrong! Can love which is lost be found? Something happened along the way, what used to be happy is sad!” And then my most favorite balladeer, the late great Luther Vandross penned a song entitled “A House Is Not A Home” that said: “A room is still a room, even when there's nothin' there but gloom. But a room is not a house and a house is not a home; when the two of us are far apart. And one of us has a broken heart.” Obviously, these songwriters, at some point of their lives, experienced solitary confinement, also. Solitary confinement stems from the lost of communication in a marriage. Once the communication is lost, then the other elements of marriage (trust, respect, intimacy, etc.) begin to die also! Solitary confinement in a marriage can only lead to “a broken heart”.

Ladies, when it comes to a marriage, “silence is not golden” in fact it is a deadly killer to the cohesiveness of your relationship. Silence creates a “mudslide” that puts a crack in the rock solid structure of your marriage; it puts “asunder”! I often wondered about the meaning of the statement that the preacher says at the end of a marriage ceremony, “What God has joined together; let no man put asunder!”   It was unclear to me what the word “asunder” meant. Upon research, it simple means “to tear apart”. That is the effect of silence/the lack of communication; it tears a marriage apart. Subsequently, it is sad when you are the man or woman who put your own marriage “asunder”. The root cause of silence in a marriage is pride, stubbornness, and selfishness. No one wants to take the blame for whatever situation caused the disruption of communication. But I want you to know that the “blame game” does not work when it comes to relationships. In my opinion, taking the blame does not render you inferior; in fact it makes you the bigger person. Why not take the blame for the fact that you are having a misunderstanding, or take the blame for the sake of saving the marriage?   What is more important being right or being united?

Wow, all of this is coming from a person who relishes being right and will go out of my way to prove a point. But a wise person once told me to pick and choose your battles, some are not worth fighting. Furthermore, the Bible states in Proverbs 14:1, “Every wise woman builds her house but a foolish woman tears it down with her own hands.” Ladies, consider the outcome; will the winning be worth it? Will it promote strong relationships or will it derail it? In some cases, if you pursue your own righteousness; there are no winners; even the winner loses! (Ponder that!)

LIVING LIFE WITHOUT REGRETS!

Have you ever reflected back on some choices and decisions that you made or some things that you said and thought--if given an opportunity--you would certainly do things differently? I know I have! There are some things in my life I certainly would not repeat! Yet, when I look at the strength that I have gained through the things that I have suffered, and the wisdom that has been imparted in my life, I realize that even the bad times were good for me. It took me a long time to make this statement and there are still times that I wish I did not have to go through certain things; yet, I am learning to “accept the things I cannot change” and to live life without regrets.

There is a popular Aesop’s fable that I enjoyed reading as a child entitled, “The Tortoise and the Hare”. The tortoise, better known as a turtle, was a happy-go-lucky sort-of- fella, who did not make a fuss about life—he simply took one step and one day at a time. (Coincidentally, “Turtle” was my childhood nickname given to me by my Uncle Charles.) On the other hand, the hare (rabbit) was always in a hurry; he had no time to “smell the roses”, the coffee, or anything else for that matter. The hare was constantly bragging on how quick he was and how he could beat any- and every- one. One day the tortoise challenged the hare to engage in a race. During the race, the hare ran up the hill, down the hill, and around the bend at groundbreaking speed, while the tortoise paced himself—breathing in the fresh air, smelling the flowers, and enjoying the journey. The hare sped past the tortoise, leaving a trail of dust. As he (the hare) drew closer to the finished line, he decided to pause and take a nap. He thought that the tortoise could not possible catch up to him at this point. Meanwhile, the tortoise kept moving at a steady pace. He passed the hare as he was napping and continued towards the finish line. As the tortoise approached the finished line, the other animals, who were watching the race, began to cheer. (Note: There will always be spectators watching to see how you will make it to the next phase in your life.) The cheering woke up the hare from his nap. To his dismay, the tortoise was slowly crossing the finish line. He tried to hurry and catch him, but it was too late. Ladies, it is not how you begin the race that matters; it is how you end it. King Solomon profoundly sums it up in Ecclesiastes 9:11: “I returned and saw under the sun that the race is not to the swift nor the battle to the strong, neither is bread to the wise nor riches to men of intelligence and understanding nor favor to men of skill; but time and chance happen to them all.” Yes, “time and chance” happens to us all; none of us is exempt from life’s trials and tribulations. Therefore, we must live life without regrets; keep your eyes on the prize, in order to cross the finish line and to successfully be declared the winner of the race.

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FRIENDLY FIRE (THE STRAY BULLET)

“Yea, mine own familiar friend, in whom I trusted, which did eat of my bread, hath lifted up his heel against me”. (Psalm 41:9)

“Friendly Fire” –a term used to describe death caused by bullets fired from allied or friendly forces, in contrast to “enemy fire”. We became acquainted with this term during the Persian Gulf War (a.k.a. Desert Storm) in the early 1990s. Can you imagine being killed by your own friend? Ladies, each of us has a best friend or friends in whom we confide our innermost secrets--someone with whom you can trust and let down your hair! Someone you feel free to call upon at any time, in any given situation. Some of you have friends that are closer than your natural sisters. I have one in particularly who is so much like me that sometimes I think we were Siamese twins secretly separated at birth. We think alike (especially about men), like the same ice cream (Butter Pecan), enjoy some of the same things (except our football teams – I like the Cowboys, she likes the “Deadskins”, I mean Redskins), and she is undeniably my greatest supporter and “Number 1 fan” (she will fight you if you try to take that title). I could not imagine doing anything to hurt, harm, or betray her confidence and vice-versa. I have cried on her shoulder during difficult times and she has cried on mine (Come to think of it, I have cried harder than she has.). One of the reason I treasure our friendship so much is because I know how it feels to be betrayed by a friend. If you have not had that experience, it is almost as traumatic as divorce. That is why I can testify to King David’s statement above in Psalm 41 and here in Psalm 55:12-13: If an enemy were insulting me, I could endure it;I f a foe were rising against me, I could hide from him. But it is you, one like myself,
My companion, my close friend...

Betrayal by a friend is not a new thing – Julius Caesar was betrayed by his friend Brutus, and of course, the most famous account is of Judas betraying Jesus. Ladies, it is a hurtful situation when you find out that your friend willfully, with malice, and forethought, made an effort to destroy you. Of course, the most damaging weapon of all is the tongue. James 3:8 describes it as “a restless evil, full of deadly poison”. Lying tongues, gossiping tongues, backbiting tongues, and cursing tongues--breathing out insults, spinning a web of deceit, and sowing seeds of discord! My, my, my, another dirty word – discord. Not only is your friend leading a revolt against you, she has turned others against you. The Scriptures tell us that the Lord hates those who sow seeds of discord (confusion) among the brethren. It is like poisonous venom, also! I had a friend, who for no apparent reason, tried to destroy my dream; although she knew how important that dream was to me. The O’Jays said it best in their hit song, Backstabbers: “They’re Smiling In Your Face, All The Times They Want To Take Your Place, They’re Backstabbers.” Backstabbing is the worst type of wound because you do not see it coming nor can you defend yourself against it. The penetration of a knife in the spine is paralyzing – leaving you helpless and lifeless. How could true friends do such a thing?

Most mornings, while preparing for work, I listen to a nationally syndicated radio show to remain connected to global, social, and urban issues, and to hear what is on the mind of my fellow listeners. One particular morning, during the write-in segment, the radio host read a letter from a very confused lady. The young lady informed us that she had a best friend with whom she had been friends with since grade school. Next, she revealed that she has been sleeping with her best friend’s boyfriend for the last six months, and is eight weeks pregnant with his child. Then, she disclosed how her friend is always crying on her shoulder because she suspects that her boyfriend is cheating--not knowing that he is cheating with her! She further revealed that her friend tells her how her boyfriend does not contribute financially; yet, he bought her (the writer of the letter) a brand new truck. Her last shocking revelation was that she and the boyfriend had made an intimate videotape, and she asked the radio host whether she should show this video to her best friend. By now, you may have formulated your own opinion of the writer of this letter as I did, using such words as trifling, unscrupulous, insensitive, etc.; however, I realized the most fitting description is an individual with low self-esteem. Someone with self-love, self-dignity, confidence, and integrity would not go to such lengths to hurt and backstab another human, and certainly not a friend.

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PARENT PAUSE (Confessing Our Mistakes)!

I would like to start this chapter out by immediately apologizing to my three children for the “off the mark” parenting methods I used and choices that I made out of ignorance that may have caused them hurt and pain. In my defense, I would like to say that I have not encountered or read any foolproof parenting manuals and guidebooks, which can effectively teach a parent how to raise their children.   Inadvertently, I did the best I could with the tools that I had. Ladies, you could read Dr. Spock’s books cover to cover, but I would bet that they would not be a foolproof or exclusive reference to effectively aid in the raising of your children.

Subsequently, each one of my children is unique, with their own distinct characteristics. I have one who punches trouble in the nose and dares him to fight back.   And then there is the one who is the oldest by birth but in the middle of the road by personality—she is mild-mannered; yet, she can be very feisty—according to the circumstances. The last one, “Baby Boy”, does not say much; but if trouble pushes his button, he (Trouble) will regret it because an explosion is on the way. Since they are different, different methodologies are needed to deal with them. I made the mistake of trying to deal with them in the same manner – doling out the same disciplinary actions and imposing global punishments. I repent – I was wrong. How many of you have said, “I will never be like my parents”, but find yourself acting the same way, and saying some of the same things that your parents said?

Truthfully, parenting is learned behavior; we are the products of our environments. Inadvertently, we use some of the same methods to raise our children that our parents used on us. Some of the methods that our parents used were adapted and adopted from their parents and so on and so on. Some methods were good and effective and some were not. For instance, I have a son whose birthday occurred immediately after the school term began, and since his grades were not as suitable as they should have been; he usually was on punishment during his birthday. One year, we bought him toys, showed them to him, and then put the toys away until he improved his grades, which did not happen. This “now you see it; now you don’t” routine is a hard pill to swallow for a child. As a result, he developed a negative complex/omen that something bad always happened on his birthday. He carried this omen into his adulthood and created situations, through his fear, which validated his theory. Because he emitted negative energy into the atmosphere with his derogatory thinking concerning his birthday; something bad would really happen on his birthday. One year, he even secluded himself in his room on his birthday in fear of something bad occurring. In hindsight, what could we as parents have done different? Since the punishment alternative was not working, it probably would have been wise to try a more workable solution. Well, instead of punishment, we could have taken the money that we used to buy toys, to enroll him in some type of after school program that would have given him extra assistance with his schoolwork, since he obviously was having learning challenges each year. Instead of finding a solution, we created bigger and longer-lasting problems-- fear and the establishment of a perception of an omen. To our son, I apologize! In our eyesight, we believed that we were doing the right thing.

Parents, just as we can look back on our lives and see incidents that caused low self-esteem in us, we inadvertently may have evoked low self-esteem in our children, also. It has been said that “hurting people--hurt people”! But, it is never too late to enforce corrective measures to break the cycle of low self-esteem, starting with admitting our wrong. Do not allow them to continue to believe that the poor choices we made were right; therefore, causing them to continue the practice of transference and erroneously using these methods on their children. Destroy the yoke now!   PURCHASE YOUR COPY OF THE BOOK TO RECEIVE MORE PARENTING SUGGESTIONS!

DRAGON PERSONALITIES
(Which One(s) Describe You?)

This entire chapter is derived from the book, Transforming Your Dragons: Turning Personality Fear Patterns into Personal Power, by Jose Stevens. I hope you find it enlightening; I did!

Dragons are personality traits that act as challenges to overcome in achieving our life's purpose. Almost everyone has one dragon; many of us have more than one.

The Greed Dragon

People with the Greed dragon may take things that are not theirs; take advantage of other people to gain things they don't really need; or are constantly striving for "more", even though they seem to have plenty already. In severe forms, people with greed may steal or hoard things to such a degree, that they call attention to themselves. A person with the Greed dragon will never feel happy or fulfilled, no matter how much they have.

The Impatience Dragon

People with the Impatience dragon may have huge "to do" lists that never get finished. They spend so much time rushing around that they fail to spend enough time on what is important. They don't listen well and don't remember things. People with impatience will usually show signs of restlessness (pacing, drumming their fingers, chewing their fingernails) that can be very annoying to others. Taking time to rest and relax is very difficult for them.

The Martyrdom Dragon

People with this dragon constantly complain and whine about whatever is going on. They always find someone else to blame for anything they perceive is wrong. No matter what efforts others make to help them and make them feel better, the person with martyrdom is unhappy and unappreciative. Other people start to avoid them because they are so unpleasant to be around. As adults, the person grows up feeling they must be good, but they suppress their own rage and hatred, because they feel they are not worthy of expressing their true feelings. They create a life for themselves that looks like they are victims. They will not and cannot allow anyone to help. Their friends leave them and they fulfill their fear of abandonment. People with martyrdom will defeat any attempts to help them. They often have physical problems because of the physical stress on their bodies.

The Self-Deprecation Dragon

People with this dragon may not try things that they are actually capable of doing, or plead incompetence when asked to do something, believing they cannot succeed. Often, they hold their head down, avoiding strong eye contact. They slump their body, which restricts their ability to breathe deeply. They will avoid anything that calls attention to themselves, and apologize for themselves and anything they do. Children with self-deprecation grow up without praise or rewards, and a very negative expectation of their ability to achieve or be successful. This is reinforced by their own failures and they learn to withdraw from life.

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I HATE MY JOB!
(The Call to Entrepreneurship)

I HATE MY JOB!

"I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANOTHER DAY!"

How many of you absolutely hate your job? You dread the start of your day, knowing that you are going to spend eight hours doing something that you absolutely hate! Do you spend countless hours wishing you were somewhere else doing anything beside what you are doing? Is the most exciting time of your work day, at the end of the day, when you walk out the door? Do you go to bed at night depressed, knowing that you have to wake up the next day to repeat this vicious and useless cycle? A local newspaper, The Washington Post, aired a commercial advertising their Mega Jobs section that expressed my sentiments. It shows a green parrot in the middle of a man’s living room. The parrot is saying repeatedly, “I Can’t Take This! I Can’t Take This! Another Day! Another Day!” Seconds later, a man drags himself into the house looking disoriented and disheveled saying, “I Can’t Take This! Another Day!” Initially, I identified with his downtrodden state of hopelessness, until I heard and heeded “The Call”. You know, “The Call”, that solemn voice resonating deep within your soul--beckoning you to come--whispering in your ear--burning in your sub consciousness--nudging you in your side--taunting you day and night--and disrupting your sleep. It is calling you like a howling wind, vehemently beating against your window of opportunity. It is calling you to align with your purpose, to assume the posture of leadership! You have successfully utilized your gifts to profit others and to elevate them to the top of the corporate ladder; yet, you have received little to no recognition for your gifts nor were you compensated equitably. Some of you have mastered your gift and have acquired multiple certifications and degrees to prove it; however, you still have not achieved or received your net worth. Some of you have been “wooed” away from “The Call”, settling for a “promise of retirement” which conditioned [brainwashed] you to commit 20-plus prime years of your life to a particular career track, so that you could be compensated 1/3 of your worth for the rest of your life. With the present economic condition of the world, many will have to acquire a part-time job to add with their retirement, just to meet their daily expenses. What is this call? It is your gift of entrepreneurship. However, I must interject; this “call” is not for everyone; only a remnant is equipped to handle this assignment. The synonym of entrepreneurship is enterprise, “readiness to engage in daring or difficult action” or “a project or undertaking that is especially difficult, complicated, or risky.” [i] As the definition implies, the call to entrepreneurship is not easy and involves risk-taking. The Bible equates risk with “launching out into the deep” [Luke 5:4 KJV]. You cannot reach your destiny by staying in the boat. You must take a chance and move farther away from your present situation than you could ever imagine. There will be times when you feel that you are in the middle of the ocean with no dry land in sight.

Entrepreneurship requires discipline, organization, stewardship, leadership, relationship, endurance, integrity, assertiveness, and faith in God and yourself. Ladies, some of you are extremely talented, with multiple gifts and multiple streams of income. Many of you have enormous potential to be the greatest business owners with the ability to make billions of dollars; yet, many have not tapped into that potential. A wise person once said that the richest place on earth is the graveyard.

Dr. Myles Monroe profoundly declares in his book, Understanding Your Potential, “Tragedy strikes when a tree dies in a seed, a man in a boy, a woman in a girl, an idea in a mind. For untold millions, visions die unseen, songs die unsung, plans die unexecuted, and futures die buried in the past.” [i] THERE IS MORE...PURCHASE THE BOOK AND YOU WILL BE ENLIGHTENED!!

[i]http://www.christianbook.com/Christian/Books/product_slideshow?sku=046X&actual_sku=046X&slide=5&action=Previous, “Understanding Your Potential”, Dr. Myles Monroe

[i] http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/enterprise, definition of enterprise.

SELF-GRATIFICATION
Loving the Skin You're In!

At one point in my writings, I questioned the significance of this chapter on weight and self-gratification; however, two television shows that I viewed this week, changed my opinion. The first was an episode of The Oprah Winfrey Show, which dealt with how other countries defined beauty. “Thin is definitely in” in Brazil! The ladies there spend a vast amount of money on plastic surgery and Botox. According to a guest on the show, Iranian women have an obsession with their noses and spend a considerable amount of money on plastic surgery, also.

The most diverse definition of beauty was found in a country in West Africa called, Mauritania. In Mauritania, “plump is sexy”. In fact they practice gavage, better known as “forced feeding”, to make the young ladies fatter and more desirable. They stuff these young ladies with couscous and milk until their stomachs are so full that they vomit. After the vomiting, the women start the “force feeding” again. Thin women are classified as “sick” in Mauritania and are not suitable for marriage. In Mauritania, thin women are probably the ones with low self-esteem. My point being, beauty is defined differently depending on the region in which you live. I guess we can reiterate that, “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder!”

Focusing on weight can truly affect one’s confidence level. The second show that I viewed this week was a reality show found on the CW network entitled, Stylista. Stylista follows the competition of a group of fashion lovers seeking the opportunity to work for the fashion magazine, Elle. The contestants are divided into teams. Each week the teams are given a challenge to impress the fashion news director of Elle, Anne Slowey. The least favorable team stands in jeopardy of one member of the team being eliminated. On the first show the contestants were introduced. One of the contestants was a full-figured brunette named Danielle; who had a great flair for fashion; and seemed to be very self-confident. Due to other commitments, I missed about three or so episodes and decided to tune in last night. The editorial task was to select clothing from Elle’s closet in preparation for a party where the contestants would host a “meet and greet”. This posed a problem for Danielle because there was no plus size clothing in the closet. The once seemingly-confident Danielle, who stood tall in the first episode, now cowered on the floor crying, four episodes later, because there were no clothes to fit her. On top of that, she asked two of the smaller contestants what they thought about her size. Bad idea! One of the women said that high fashioned clothes looked better on “tall, thin women”, and that she thought that they (thin women) were more attractive. Poor Danielle! The insecurity concerning her weight, which she tried so hard to mask, became transparent. She also fell for the oldest trick in the book; she asked her competitor/dragon to validate her fear. The object of the show was to eliminate the competition so that the last person standing would receive the position as editorial assistant for Elle magazine. This woman did what any rival would do—she went for the Achilles’ heel of her opponent. Since Danielle verbalized her insecurity about her weight by asking this self-destructing question, she opened up “Pandora’s box”, succumbed to the attack, and was sent home. This is a cruel, cruel world when it comes to prejudices on weight. In the United States, we are “brainwashed” to believe that “thin is better”. Very thin supermodels parade the runways projecting the image of the acceptable size. Even the label “plus size” indicates some type of abnormality. Plus what?

Ladies, learn to love the body that God gave you! Whether tall, short, fat or thin; love the skin you’re in! Remember that you are “fearfully” and “wonderfully” made (Psalm 139:14). You are beautiful inside and out! Do not let the media, magazines, and music moguls box you into a standard of beauty. Beauty comes in all shapes, colors, and sizes! See yourself beautiful! Face the journey…!

MILLIONAIRE MENTALITY
(As A Woman Thinks, So Is She..)

A few years ago while working as a government contractor, I met a very arrogant and self-centered “player” or so-called “Casanova”, who incidentally was married. His marital status did not prevent him from flirting with what he classified as--and I quote, “beautiful women”. His forwardness disgusted me so I went out of my way to avoid him and his “over-the-top” comments. He stared at you as if you were a biscuit in maple syrup that he wanted to sop up! It seemed that the more I ignored him, the more attraction he felt. One day, he came to my cubicle when no one was around, and asked me what it would take for me to return his advances. I replied, “That will never happen because you cannot afford me!” Curiously, he asked me how much was I worth? I replied, “Millions, so you could never achieve the mental capability to ever relate to me!” I stared him straight in the eyes, (it is something about staring the dragon right in the face) and he looked stunned. I know my answer sounds harsh, but there comes a time when we have to take a stance and let the dragon know that we will not be swayed by his “cheap” tricks or wooed by his “bargain-basement conversation”! Ladies, we are worth more than a “15-minute, cut-rate thrill” with a man of low standards. Do not waste your time on dead-end and dead-beat relationships.

Do you know that about 1/3 of lottery winners experienced bankruptcy because they were not mentally prepared to manage millions? Some of you are in “bankrupt” relationships—there is no trust, no respect, no communication, and no intimacy because you amalgamated with someone who is not accustomed to managing millions (you). You want to stay at the Ritz-Carlton, and he prefers Motel-6. You want to dine at McCormick and Schmicks, and his idea of a great meal is at the “Mom and Pop” diner tucked away in a “hick” town, in the middle of nowhere. Now, I am not snubbing my nose at anyone’s choices—whatever “floats your boat” is fine by me; however, this is just a literal example of a bigger equation, for the sake of visualization. My point to this whole illustration is based on a scripture in Amos 3:3 in The Message Bible, “Do two people walk hand in hand if they aren't going to the same place?” Ladies, we have to start thinking on a higher dimension. A millionaire becomes rich in his mind before he actually receives the millions. Besides, when you start thinking like a millionaire, you will be prepared when the millions appear. Many of us are “overdrawn” in our relationships because out liabilities outnumber our assets, when we compromise our worth. Ladies, oftentimes, we attract what we reflect.

THE LAW OF RECIPROCITY
(Balancing the Scales)

“Give, and it will be given to you…."

The Law of Reciprocity means: “to give and take mutually; to return in kind or even in another kind or degree.” [i] Simplistically, whatever you give should be returned to you in one form or another. Ladies, have you ever been in a relationship where you were giving all the love that you could muster but you were not getting love in return? You initiated the communication (via e-mail, telephone calls, text messages, or greeting cards) and/or you initiated the dating (you made the reservations, and even paid for dinner and the movie). As Janet Jackson asked, “What has he done for you lately?” The art of love and relationship between a man and a woman is a mutual experience. If one partner is always the recipient and never the giver, it may be evidence that the commitment is not shared; lopsided relationships only lead to frustration and discontentment. A friend of mine called me today and told me she had re-united with someone in her past and happily revealed how this gentleman calls her every day just to see how her day went and to say good night. That is a man who is interested in a woman! When a man is into you, he will call you at bedtime and fall asleep listening to your voice. He will send you flowers, for no reason at all. He will watch “your favorite love story” even though he would rather be watching an action-packed “shoot-em-up”. Percy Sledge really drives the point home in his song, “When A Man Loves A Woman”. The lyrics are:

When a man loves a woman
Can't keep his mind on nothing else
He'll trade the world
For the good thing he's found
If she's bad he can't see it
She can do no wrong
Turn his back on his best friend
If he put her down

When a man loves a woman
Spend his very last dime
Tryin' to hold on to what he needs
He'd give up all his comfort
Sleep out in the rain
If she said that's the way it ought to be………” [ii]

When a man loves a woman, he does not leave you guessing – you know that he loves you! He is interested in what interests you. When you are sad, he is there to listen and offer a hug for comfort. He will even rub your feet at the end of a long, hard day! When a man loves a woman, he has nothing to hide – you know his friends, co-workers, and his family. Beware ladies, if your dating moments are ALWAYS spent in cities other than where you reside, or alone in dark, secluded areas avoiding the company of others. Take precaution, when you call his cell phone and it immediately goes to voicemail on the first ring and you do not receive a return call for several days. Especially take heed, when he pretends that he did not get the message you left and leaves the impression that it was never delivered.

During a recent discussion, a single female relayed to me that in the Washington, DC metropolitan area (in which I reside) the ratio of single man to woman is seven women to one man. What is REALLY going on? What happened to the days of old when the men shared their sentiments as the group, Heatwave expressed in the song , “Always and Forever”?

Always and forever
Each moment with you
Is just like a dream to me
That somehow came true And I know tomorrow
Will still be the same
Cause we've got a life of love
That won't ever change and… [i]

And the women answered with Etta James’ At Last:

“At last
my love has come along
my lonely days are over
and life is like a song I found a dream
that I could speak to
A dream that I
can call my own” [ii]

And so this is how the Law of Reciprocity goes--you give love; and I give love; and we both receive love together.

. A true testament of love is when it is returned onto you. Experience the Law of Reciprocity.

[i] http://www.romantic-lyrics.com/la6.shtml,“Always and Forever”, Heatwave

[ii] http://www.links2love.com/love_lyrics_441.htm, “At Last”, Etta James

[i] http://www.yourdictionary.com/mutual\, Definition of reciprocity

[ii] http://www.stlyrics.com/lyrics/thebigchill/whenamanlovesawoman.htm

HATERADE--THE BITTER DRINK!

Written By: Vickie L. Evans

Imagine a cool, refreshing drink of lemonade on a hot, scorching summer day, to quench your thirst! Now, imagine a tall drink of lemonade that looks delicious—garnished with cherries and a cute little umbrella, but it was made with a tart lemon! No matter how much sugar you add to it; it remains tart and bitter! Oftentimes, that is how hate and jealousy manifest – it arrives in pretty little packages; yet, when you examine the content; it leaves a bitter taste in your mouth. Looks can be so deceiving......

I believe that the primary reason for haters to hate is low self-esteem. Oftentimes, haters are intimidated by someone who shines forth with confidence; they act as “character assassins” in order to mask their own insecurities. As previously mentioned, the dragon of low self-esteem can often be traced back to a childhood action--a negative inflection from a parent, a disabling label from a teacher, a piercing “dig” from a peer—each having long lasting and damaging effects. This seed of rejection is deeply rooted and is transmitted in the form of jealousy and envy. Most people believe that jealousy and envy are the same emotions and use each interchangeably; however, there are some distinct differences between the two. Envy, which is classified as one of the seven deadly sins, is tri-relational-the hater, the rival, and a particular action or object. For example, a hater could be upset because a co-worker was elevated to a particular position that the rival clearly deserves; but the hater desires. Or, a hater could be upset becomes her rival purchased a brand new Mars red SL550 Mercedes, the hater’s dream car. The hate is generated by a particular action or object. The great philosopher, Aristotle says it best, “Envy is pain at the good fortune of others.” The hater may not hate the rival directly; but she covets the success she has achieved. Overly-competitive people can be envious. On the other hand, jealousy is bi-relational-the hater and the rival; it is more personal! There is resentment or bitterness for that specific person. For example, a hater could dislike a rival because she is extremely beautiful or because she is dating the captain of the football team which the hater likes. A jealous person may use an outside force or action to inflict pain directly on her rival, whether the rival deserves it or not. For instance, a hater may become romantically involved with a rival’s boyfriend to directly cause pain on the rival. I believe jealousy is a deeper and stronger emotion that envy. Songs of Solomon 8:6b echoes my sentiments by stating, “For love is as strong as death, Jealousy as cruel as the grave;Its flames are flames of fire, A most vehement flame [NKJV].” Acting out of resentment, jealousy can become volatile and, at worse case, it could lead to criminal activity. Crimes of passion usually stems from jealousy--a declared love or a specific love triangle. An angry husband could act out his aggression on a wife and/or lover caught in an act of infidelity. Jealousy and envy are closely related and can overlap. A hater could hate the rival and hate the position she occupies, as well. Both emotions are fueled by low self-esteem, feelings of insecurities, and lack of worth. “A woman that has confidence in herself does not waste time planning or reveling in the demise of another person; she rather spend her time advancing and promoting her own gifting.” Vickie L. Evans

THE COUNTERFEIT - THE ROADBLOCK TO YOUR DESTINY